“Anyone can love a thing because. That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.” — Patrick Rothfuss, from The Wise Man’s Fear

By Kenneth Ukoh: February 26, 2026

Is your relationship blossoming, lifeless, or deteriorating? This article is about love or romantic relationships, particularly marriage. It is tempting to take it for granted that we understand everything about relationships because the excitement of love, especially in the initial stages, shields us from the realities of the skills required to sustain a successful relationship, especially in marriage. So, as time goes on, cracks begin to appear as reality unfolds.

It is incorrect to take it for granted that because humans have the natural capability to create relationships, they have the same natural capability to build and maintain them. It t takes skills and hard work to develop and maintain a healthy relationship. But that is one thing we have not educated ourselves in. We get educated to develop our careers, but do little or nothing to know about how to sustain a healthy relationship.

It should not be this way. We are here to work with you to bring back that spark in your relationships. This article is mainly focused on marriage relationships, though the principles here apply to any form of relationship.

Relationship, or specifically, love, are words that we commonly use every day. However, it is easy to take for granted that we know all they entail. The problem is that if you don’t know something, you don’t know when it is wrong to correct it. This is particularly important in relationships because we have different personalities, and understanding our differences as humans can help us to relate to each other productively and try to make amends when things are wrong. The reality is that when there are two or more people, misunderstandings or clashes of interests are likely to occur because each person is unique. Knowing when something is wrong is important, so that it can be corrected, which makes a relationship sustainable.

It is well known that human beings are social animals, and as a result, we all need relationships. Abraham Maslow, in “A Theory of Human Motivation” (Maslow, 1943), identified relationships as one of the five key components in the hierarchy of human needs. So, we cannot escape the need for relationships in the same way we cannot escape the need for food, shelter, etc.

Love or Romantic Relationships

A love or romantic relationship is a close, voluntary, and often exclusive connection between two people characterised by deep emotional affection, physical attraction, and shared intimacy. These relationships are defined by commitment, mutual support, and a desire for long-term companionship, setting them apart from platonic friendships. 

Core Components of a Romantic Relationship

• Intimacy and Affection, A deep sense of closeness, sharing private thoughts, feelings, and vulnerability.
• Passion and Attraction. Intense physical attraction, desire, and often sexual attraction, particularly in the earlier stages.
• Commitment. A conscious decision to remain with a partner, prioritise the relationship, and work through challenges together.
• Shared Life. Partners often integrate their lives, supporting each other emotionally and practically, and making decisions together. 

Key Aspects and Distinctions

• Labelling. A romantic relationship is often defined by the partners’ choosing to label it as such.
• Love vs. “Being In Love”: While “being in love” often refers to the intense, passionate, and sometimes fleeting early emotions (infatuation), a lasting love relationship is an active, ongoing choice of commitment and care.
• Differentiation from Friendship: Unlike platonic love, romantic relationships traditionally include physical intimacy and a higher priority in each other’s lives.
• Development: These relationships can start with immediate attraction (Eros) or grow slowly out of friendship and stability (Storge). 

The Importance and Benefits of Relationships

What makes a relationship meaningful when not all relationships are meaningful? It is a common misconception that all relationships are meant to be profound, long-lasting, or deeply meaningful. In reality, not all relationships are meant to last, and some serve only to teach, challenge, or help you grow

• Relationships as Lessons: Some connections exist to teach, not to stay. These relationships can teach endurance, perseverance, and understanding. They often help you figure out what you truly need, what you can handle, and what you deserve in future partners.
• The Purpose of “Wrong” People: Meeting the wrong person often highlights what you do want by showing you what you don’t want, helping you value the right person when they appear.
• Self-Discovery and Growth: Certain relationships exist to help you rediscover a better relationship with yourself and put together broken parts of your own puzzle. They may bring you back to yourself, revealing your own boundaries, self-worth, and need for self-respect.
• Temporary Connections: Relationships are not always for finding love and happiness; some are meant to raise your awareness, help you develop self-control, or just be a brief part of your journey.
• Unhealthy vs. Healthy: Not all relationships are positive. Some can cause frustration, friction, or, in the case of unhealthy ones, involve control, dishonesty, and disrespect. 

Ultimately, a relationship that doesn’t last or feel “meaningful” in the traditional sense can still be valuable if it brings you to a place of greater self-awareness, clarity, or, as one source notes, “home to yourself”

While relationships can certainly be challenging or harmful when unhealthy, the inherent “specialness” of positive relationships lies in their power to fundamentally shape human existence, well-being, and longevity. Research consistently indicates that strong, positive connections—whether romantic, familial, or platonic—are the primary drivers of long-term happiness and health, often outweighing factors like wealth or social status. 

What Makes Relationships Special

Here is what makes relationships special, according to psychologists and researchers:

• Biological and Physical Health Impact: Humans are wired for connection; relationships trigger the release of oxytocin and dopamine, which reduce stress. Strong, supportive bonds are directly linked to lower blood pressure, stronger immune systems, and a lower risk of chronic disease. The Harvard Study of Adult Development found that good relationships keep people happier and healthier, directly increasing longevity.
• A “Safe Harbour” for Resilience: Positive relationships serve as a buffer against life’s stresses. They offer emotional support that allows individuals to feel safe, understood, and nurtured during challenging times, such as bereavement or career difficulties.
• Mirror of Self-Discovery and Growth. Relationships act as a mirror, helping us understand our values, insecurities, and capacity for love. They provide a venue for personal growth by challenging us to be less selfish, improve our communication, and develop empathy.
• Shared Meaning and Belonging. They provide a profound sense of purpose and belonging, which is essential for mental health. Sharing life’s journey—both the ups and downs—makes experiencing life richer and more meaningful.
• The Power of Mutual Support. Beyond companionship, healthy relationships involve mutual support in which both individuals work as a team to encourage each other’s personal and professional growth. 

In summary, Relationships are special because they are the foundation of a “good life,” transforming our existence from a lonely endeavour into a shared, supported, and healthier journey

Whether Good or Bad, The Power of Relationships to Cause Positive Change

Whether a relationship is good or bad, it can act as a powerful catalyst for positive personal change, offering lessons in resilience, self-worth, and emotional maturity. While healthy relationships foster growth through support and shared positive experiences, challenging or toxic relationships often drive growth through the necessity of learning to establish boundaries and overcoming adversity. 

Here is how both types of relationships can change us positively:

Positive Changes from Good Relationships

Healthy, supportive relationships create a “buffer” against life’s stresses and promote growth through: 

• Increased Self-Confidence. Supportive partners or friends boost self-esteem, providing a secure base that encourages personal growth.
• Self-Expansion. We often adopt positive characteristics from partners, such as their strengths, skills, and perspectives, broadening our own sense of self.
• Healthier Habits. Positive, loving relationships encourage better physical health, including reduced stress, improved immunity, and higher motivation for exercise and self-care.
• Improved Emotional Intelligence. Through open, honest communication and compromise, we develop greater empathy and better conflict-resolution skills. 

Positive Changes from Bad/Challenging Relationships

Even detrimental relationships can force us to develop strengths that we might not have cultivated otherwise: 

• Stronger Boundaries. After experiencing a relationship that ignores boundaries, individuals often gain clarity on what they will no longer tolerate, leading to healthier, more respectful future relationships.
• Increased Resilience: Surviving a toxic or highly dysfunctional relationship can teach a person how to bounce back from adversity and become more self-reliant.
• Red Flag Recognition. A bad relationship teaches us to trust our instincts and notice subtle, early warning signs of manipulation or dysfunction.
• Self-Discovery. The process of ending a bad relationship and healing can lead to rediscovering oneself, rediscovering personal interests, and reaffirming one’s own identity.
• Deepened Empathy. Having been through a difficult situation, people often develop a stronger capacity to understand and support others facing similar struggles. 

Ultimately, while positive relationships nourish us, difficult ones often educate us, turning painful experiences into invaluable lessons in self-preservation and strength. In summary: Relationships are special because they are the foundation of a “good life,” transforming our existence from a lonely endeavour into a shared, supported, and healthier journey

References

Apostolou M, Christoforou C, Lajunen TJ. What are Romantic Relationships Good for? An Explorative Analysis of the Perceived Benefits of Being in a Relationship. Evol Psychol. 2023 Oct-Dec;21(4):14747049231210245. doi: 10.1177/14747049231210245. PMID: 37908132; PMCID: PMC10621308.